Pick of the Litter
by Nova-Janna
Summary: Have you ever heard of one of those auctions where they bid on all the handsome young men to raise money? Hogwarts has decided to try some new tactics for entertainment...DMHG and Blaise.Hannah, just to be different
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Once again, I'm writing fanfiction. I own very, very little.**

"Well I think it's ridiculous!" Hermione exclaimed to her two best friends as they walked down the hall. They glanced over her head at each other, sharing an amused glance.

"I think it's fairly interesting. And the money goes to a charity, right?" Harry replied, smiling, and Ron nodded in agreement.

"It'll be interesting to see who'll pay what for who."

"For whom, Ron. For whom," Hermione corrected tiredly, then stopped dead. "Are you two signing up?"

"Yes Hermione," Harry sighed, grabbing her arm and tugging her along. He grinned. "After all, being up there on the list of "Most Bed-Worthy Guys At Hogwarts" does have it's responsibilities."

Ron laughed as Hermione scowled. "How did you find out about that list?" She asked, beginning to smile a little herself.

"We know things Hermione," Ron said, giving her a wink. She grinned at him and hit his arm playfully. Harry shook his head at the two of them, but was happy Hermione was done ranting by then.

"Granger and her play toys," came a low voice from behind them. "I'll have you three know I was number one on that list."

"How do you all know about the list?" Hermione asked exasperatedly, steadfastly ignoring Malfoy.

"Why Granger?" Malfoy asked, his trademark smirk making an appearance. "Did you vote?"

"I wouldn't dream of it," Hermione said, pursing her lips and meeting his gaze head-on.

"Above hormones in general now Granger?"

"Shut it Malfoy," Ron growled in typical Ron fashion.

"I was wondering if your two goons would actually talk," Malfoy said, directing his comments solely at Hermione.

"You're one to talk," Hermione replied, looking past him at the small gaggle of Slytherins.

He scowled. "On a brighter note, good luck winning me in the auction."

"Win _you?_ Of all people, Malfoy, who I'd waste my money on, you are way down there on the list," Hermione replied, matching his scowl.

"So sure Granger, so sure," he replied, smirk returning, before walking down the hall.

"**So, Hermione…" **Hannah Abbot began as she sat down next to her friend.

"Hannah, if you're going to ask me about the auction, expect to get your head bitten off."

Hannah laughed. "Well, it's not that bad of an idea."

"All the prefect's voted against me on this one Hannah!" Hermione burst out, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

"Hermione, dear, not everyone is always going to agree with you," Hannah replied tenderly, and somewhat sarcastically.

Hermione smiled at her friend, relaxing a little. "I know, I know. I just think it's a terrible idea."

"Well I don't," Hannah replied curtly, earning her a glare. "It raises money for the charity of your choice, and you get to spend time with a guy who you might never had had a chance to before," Hannah defended practically.

Hermione reflected on this. "It could be any charity, right?"

"You're the Head Girl," Hannah said, grinning.

"Yes, but most people are so caught up in this they know more about it than I do!" Hermione said, just as Lavender and Parvati rushed past, talking about the auction.

"Right then," Hannah said after she and Hermione had recovered from their laughter. "Now you just have to choose which boy."

"Why do I feel like it's mating season?" Hermione groaned as Hannah led her down the hall to the station where all the boy's names and profiles were set up.

"Here's the top ten list," Hannah said, gesturing to a wall of spinning heads.

"That's a little disturbing," Hermione replied, looking at the display.

Hannah half rolled her eyes at Hermione. "Let's see, there's Harry and Ron, who you should probably leave to the girls who have mad curhses on them," Hannah mused, and Hermione nodded as she bit her lip thoughtfully. "Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy from Slytherin, probably both out, right?" She turned to see Hermione's furtive nods. "Though they're not too shabby in the looks department…Anyways, a Ravenclaw Quidditch player; might be just your type Hermione. Smart and athletic." Hermione raised her eyebrows at her friend. "Fine then. A Hufflepuff boy who's a bit of a player and I wonder how he got into Hufflepuff?" Hannah said, shocked as she noticed the boy for the first time.

"Hannah?"

"Oh, I just hate him with a burning passion Hermione." Her tone became a little less lethal. "No biggie."

"Right." Hermione stared at the wall. "What's the Ravenclaw's name?"

"Tory," Hannah said, spinning to face her friend. "You're loaded."

"He'll be expensive."

"Very."

"I feel like I'm talking about meat."

"Or puppies!" Hannah offered happily as the two of them left the small room.

"It's a ridiculous idea!" Hermione began, and Hannah calmly listened to her rant until they reached the Great Hall for dinner.

**A/N: Just a quick idea that I hadn't seen anyone else do and I thought might be an outlet for humour. Tell me what you think and if you have any suggestions…**


	2. Hermione's Bid

"It's today Hermione!" Lavender exclaimed excitedly as she busied herself at a mirror.

"I know, I know!" Hermione groaned, rolling over on her bed. "What do you get if you win the boy again, Lavender?"

"A week with on of them. An entire week!" Lavender replied, just as excitedly. She turned to Hermione. "Have your eye on someone in particular?" She winked.

"No, actually," Hermione replied with a sigh as she put her hair up into a messy, simple pony tail. "It's all about the charity."

"I believe that," Lavender replied with another wink.

"Do _you_ have your eye on someone in particular?" Hermione asked, trying to quell her genuine feeling of curiosity.

"I can't decide actually!" Lavender exclaimed. "Harry and Ron are both perfect," she put on a dreamy look, "But it might be better to take my chance with Blaise."

"Blaise?" Hermione asked, shocked. "Instead of Dr- Malfoy?"

Lavender appeared not to have noticed her slip of tongue, but she cursed herself mentally for it as Lavender replied. "Well, yes. I mean, Malfoy is rather good-looking- who am I kidding? He's amazing!- but there'll be so many other girls bidding on him."

"I'm aware," Hermione replied wryly. "We're going to be late if we don't get going right now."

"Right," Lavender replied, touching one hand to her hair quickly. "Let's go." And the two girls set off down the halls. About halfway to the Great Hall, however, they could both hear faint sobs coming from a classroom.

"You go," Hermione said, waving the other girl on. "You don't want to be late."

"Thanks," Lavender replied with a grin and a curious look at the closed door. Then she jogged off down the hallway. Hermione cautiously opened the door and let herself into a dusty classroom. She sneezed a few times, then grabbed her wand and muttered a quick cleaning spell.

"Hello?" She called out, muttering _Lumos_ under her breath. All she could hear were a few more sobs. She crept closer to the sound of the noise only to see Hannah slumped down, head on hands, in one of the rickety old desks. "Hannah?" She asked in plain disbelief.

"Hermione," Hannah replied softly, in greeting, looking up and wiping her eyes. She looked at around the classroom, blinked at Hermione, then wiped her eyes. "Right then. I'm all better now." Swiftly, she stood up and began to walk towards the door.

"Hannah," Hermione said in a warning tone, moving fast and blocking her friend's way.

"Hermione," Hannah replied wryly, smirking.

Hermione half rolled her eyes. "Hannah, I believe an explanation would be in order."

"We're missing the auction," Hannah insisted, moving briefly towards the door.

"And you're changing the subject," Hermione replied in a chiding tone. "I wasn't born yesterday." She raised her eyebrows. "So, what makes my sarcastic friend cry, exactly?" Hannah only shook her head, but she wasn't looking at Hermione venomously, and Hermione pressed. "My bet is on a boy, Hannah. Care to prove me right?"

"A boy," Hannah replied, nodding a little but not dropping her eyes from Hermione's. The two girls were both defiant, stubborn, and witty, though most people would never have thought of Hannah that way. They got along fabulously, but often things were a bit of a competition between the two.

"Who?" Hermione asked, not bothering to dance around the subject, or be consoling. She supposed a better friend would have slung her arm around Hannah's shoulder, but she also knew what Hannah was like. And she was nearly positive Hannah enjoyed this type of twisted therapy rather than sympathetic tones that didn't even sound genuine.

"Do you remember, yesterday, when I told you about that boy?"

Hermione looked thoughtful. "The Hufflepuff on the auction wall? Who you hated with a burning passion?"

Hannah nodded, looking amused. "He cheated on me, you see. It was rather annoying."

"So why were you crying now?"

"Because there's some girl wanting to buy him in the auction!"

"Hannah, this isn't like you."

Hannah sighed. "I know, I know. Look, I'll go win him, OK?"

Hermione grinned. "Then you can make his life a living hell."

"Or toy with his mind," Hannah added, grinning as widely as she usually did.

Hermione matched her grin. "Do you need any money?"

Hannah shook her head. "It was just my birthday, remember? My grandmother told me to put it to a good use…" Hannah trailed off as she walked out of the classroom, leaving Hermione smiling, remembering why she liked Hannah so much.

Hermione was quick to follow after her friend, mind still set on the Ravenclaw. What was his name…? Tevon? Theo? It was a "T" name, she remembered that much….Just then, Hermione heard a strange noise. Rounding the corner at a run, she found Peeves meddling with some First Years. "Peeves!" The ghost looked up, and then flew away as fast as he could. He had a fair amount of fear for the Head Girl, who had earned his respect with her unfaltering temper.

"Are you all right?" She asked the handful of First Years. They nodded, looked the way Peeves had gone, and then took of in the other direction, giggling madly. Hermione checked her watch, realizing that she was supposed to be at the auction.

She took off at a run once again, bursting into the crowded room. She looked around, then headed up to where the teacher's table usually sat, checking the lists posted at intervals showing who was taken, for what price, and by whom.

Harry and Ron had both been swooped up; Ron by Pansy, Harry by a Hufflepuff girl who Hermione knew as being a wonderful person. Maybe Harry could finally think of someone other than Cho…Poor Ron though, and surprising. She checked, found that her Ravenclaw prince was taken by none other than…Cho Chang? She would kill the bit-!

"Hermione?"

"Hannah!" Hermione exclaimed, turning to face her friend.

"I got him."

"Good luck."

"Thanks," Hannah said, grinning and turning away. She looked back over a few people at Hermione. "I heard about Tory; sorry!"

Hermione was momentarily confused. Tory…? But then she remembered, and went back to being mad at Cho Chang.

"And this is our last young man!" Came Dumbledore's cheery voice, amplified through the Hall. "Draco Malfoy! And the opening bid is placed by Blaise Zambini at…Hold on, I can't read this number…"

As Dumbledore finally came to the number, Hermione made her way to the front. Her charity was important, but Draco Malfoy….Then again, she could take Hannah's route and mess with his mind. Or her own suggestion, and make his life a living hell for a week. No, there was no point. She'd never hear the end of it, and no one would believe it was all for the charity.

"Miss Zambini's charity is "The Charity For Girls Who Look Beautiful and Are Misunderstood To No End," came Dumbledore's voice, and Hermione looked at him in shock. Malfoy, who had been shooting Blaise looks of loathing, looked shocked as well.

Hermione had to do something. "I bid fifty galleons!" Hermione cried out, pushing her way through the crowd. She didn't care what they thought; there was no way she was letting it go to "Misunderstood Beautiful People."

After about a half an hour of debating, many cat fights (though Hermione broke them up instead of being involved with them) and far too much money later, Hermione had won Draco Malfoy, #1 on "Hogwarts Top Ten Most Bed-Worthy Guys" list, and already dubbed one of the year's hottest bachelors by several witch teen magazines.

She was definitely crazy. And it was all Hannah's fault…


	3. Wake

**A/N: I get the feeling I'm going to lose a lot of reviewers if I make this a Draco/Hermione fic, which I probably am. I might write an alternate fic that makes it Ron/Hermione, though I'm strictly against writing that pairing. (Not because I don't think it's fairly obvious, but because I think what J.K. Rowling writes for the two of them is good enough.) **

**Anyways, if you hate this ship, review to this chapter and tell me if you'd like me to _try _to write a Ron/Hermione. **

"Look Granger, I know it's hard for girls to resist me, but your actions lead me to believe you've been taking little white pills," Malfoy said as he followed Hermione down the hall.

"They're blue, actually," Hermione replied steadily, catching him off guard for a moment.

"You're so witty."

"And your sarcasm leaves a lot to be desired."

"Anyways, Granger, why would you bid on me?" It was something about her that he couldn't quite figure out, and it bothered him to no end.

"My charity Malfoy."

"It was all about the charity, right? I believe that."

She whirled around. "I hate you with a passion, Draco Malfoy. Do you honestly think I'm harboring some deep desire for you just because a load of girls think you're incredibly sexy?"

He looked at her smugly, then leaned in and whispered in her ear. "No Granger. I'd only think that if _you_ thought I was incredibly sexy."

"Your pathetic attempts at making me swoon for you aren't going to work Malfoy. And because I have to spend time with you for the next week," she glared at him. "Not by choice, I might add; it's in the papers I had to sign when I bid on you, I'm going to want you to maybe just stop being a prat for the next seven days. Is that so hard?"

"Clearly you don't know what it's like to be me," he replied, and Hermione growled and stomped away, leaving a smirking Malfoy in her wake.

"**Hullo Hermione,**" came Ron's voice from behind her.

She was seated comfortably in the Gryffindor common room, trying to see if there was some way she could get out of spending time with Malfoy for a week. After all, there were, as she'd mentioned before, loads of other girls who'd be happy to have him. Then again, she'd spent loads of money on him, so why not take advantage of the situation. Hermione paused in her thinking, realizing how wrong that would have sounded….

"Hermione?" Ron asked, breaking her out of her reverie.

"Yes?" She said, finally turning to him.

"You know you just said all that out loud?"

Hermione looked at him in shock. "Erm…."

Ron grinned at her. "So long as you don't fancy him, Hermione, it could be a very interesting week."

"I need to go talk to Hannah," Hermione stumbled, leaving Ron shaking his head in her wake.

"**Hermione," **Hannah said, grabbing her friend's arm as she barreled past her in the hall.

"Oh," Hermione said, peering at Hannah. "It's you."

"Don't sound so thrilled."

"No, no," Hermione sighed, straightening up and regaining her composure, "I was looking for you, actually."

"Well that's good then, since you've found me," Hannah replied, only a _little_ sarcastically.

"Right. Well then…." Hermione paused, then looked behind her. "Hannah, I bid on Draco Malfoy and I won him and it was really only for my charity but now everyone's thinking that I'm hopelessly infatuated with him or something and I don't even want to spend a minute with him, let alone seven days!"

"Hermione, get a grip!" Hannah cried. "This could work in your favour."

Hermione took a deep breath. "How?"

"You hate him, right? So make his life a living hell."

"Like you're doing with what's-his-face?"

Hannah coloured slightly. "Erm…."

"Hannah?" Hermione asked warily.

"Right, exactly how what I'm doing!" Hannah said, sounding far too perky for Hermione's tastes. But she had other things on her mind.

"I've got to go," Hermione said, eyes trailing after someone and sounding very flustered.

"OK…." Hannah replied, then grabbed Hermione's arm. "Have you been taking those red pills again, Mione?"

"They're blue!" Hermione called over her shoulder as she scampered down the hall, grinning slightly, leaving a bemused Hannah in her wake.

**Hermione caught up to Harry a few seconds later. **"Harry?" She began, and Harry spun around to face her quickly.

"Hermione."

"Harry," Hermione replied.

He grinned at her mockery. "Sorry. I'm a little out of it."

"Well, join the club."

He looked at her curiously. "Why?"

"Why should you join or why am I out of it?"

He grinned again. "Why are you out of it?"

"I bought Malfoy in the auction."

Harry blanched. "I didn't realize…."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Harry! I don't like him, but there was this other girl who was going to bid on him and her charity was something like-"

"I've got to go!" Harry said hurriedly, looking at a spot past Hermione's head. And for the first time that day, somebody else left Hermione in their wake.

**A/N: Questions, comments, queries, complaints, letters to the editor, favourite lines (especially) are all accepted. Don't you all just want to know what's up with the pills? And what's up with Harry? Yeah, I thought so. **


	4. Blinks, Coffee, Blue Pills

**A/N: This is not how I usually write Hermione as a character. I've made her a little more crazy, a little more out-there, and, obviously, she has Hannah, not Ginny or any of the other Gryffindor girls. **

Hermione blinked as she opened her eyes the next morning. She looked over at her window. Damn puffy white clouds and beautiful bright sun! She was a firmly believer that there could always be too much of a good thing, and the bright days they'd been having lately were just too much.

Hermione blinked once more, then dove under the pillow, grumbling all the while.

"Erm…" Came a voice from the other side of the room. Hermione glanced out from under her pillow, saw the figure leaning lazily against her wardrobe, and screamed. "It's just me!" The voice said, trying to stop the awful noise coming from her fairly lovely lips…

"Just you! Just you?" Hermione yelled a few times. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I brought coffee!" Malfoy responded, holding out a steaming mug. Hermione blinked at him a few times.

"Well then…" She reached for the mug, then drew back suspiciously.

He rolled his eyes. "There's nothing wrong with it."

"Then why are you bringing me coffee? And sitting in my room staring at me when I wake up?" She peered at him, blinked a few more times, then thought about it. "Stalker!"

"What did we say about the pills, Granger?"

"OK, so you're not stalking me. What could it be, what could it be…?" She looked down and fiddled with her sheet, thinking hard. He rolled his eyes once more and shoved the mug into her hands, then flounced down on the chair beside her bed.

"I'm just trying to make this easier, Granger. You said you wanted me to stop being a prat yesterday, so I'm making a bloody effort." He shook his head, smirked, and then mumbled. "And what do I get? Bloody screaming! And accusations….Stalker my-"

"You listened to me yesterday?"

"Your voice is hard to ignore."

"Cheap shot."

"It's early," he replied with an easy shrug. She grinned, then blinked down into the steaming mug. "Thank you. But I still think you're a prat."

"I don't want to be stuck with you Granger! You're the one who signed those damn papers!"

"Well I didn't think I'd be magically bound to you for a week!"

"Granger, have you ever heard the expression 'Read the fucking fine print?'"

She blinked at him, then took a swig of coffee before replying. "I didn't think expressions used swear words. You know, like they have to be G rated or something?"

He stared at her, and she continued drinking. "Are you crazy!"

"Hmmmm…..Could you pass me the blue pills in the bathroom please?"

Malfoy stared at her for a few more seconds, then walked into her bathroom. A few seconds later, he tossed the pills onto her bed. "Right, Granger, what are they?"

"The pills?" She asked, looking surprised but managing to smirk at him at the same time.

"No, the small white tubes in your medicine cabinet. Yes, the pills!"

She glowered at him for a few seconds before taking two of the pills. "I need them."

"Are you addicted?"

"Are you asking me if I take drugs?" Hermione asked, clearly outraged.

"Well…." He looked thoughtful, then threw his hands up in the air and said "YES!"

"Well," Hermione replied looking and sounding exactly like Professor McGonagall. "I don't."

"So what's with the pills?"

"Actually," Harry said from the doorway, "I've been wondering that myself."

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Potter," Malfoy acknowledged with a nod of the head.

"Hermione," Harry said, giving his friend an odd look. Then a nod. "Malfoy."

"You're not going to ask if I'm molesting her?" Malfoy asked.

"I read the fine print," Harry replied with a lazy shrug.

Malfoy shot Hermione a look. "At least _someone_ read the fine print."

Hermione rubbed her temples slowly. "Next time, then, I'll let you handle the paper work!"

"It would probably be for the best! Honestly, for someone who's supposed to be so organized-"

"I was in a rush!"

"Are you sure you weren't high?" He challenged, and Hermione threw her mug at him.

Harry looked at them in amazement. "Do you realize how much you sound like an old married couple?" The two people in question shared a look and Harry continued. "I mean, except fort hat last bit."

"Well I've seen couples throw things at each other," Hermione replied, as if it were perfectly normal conversation.

"Yeah, so have I," Malfoy agreed. "Even pots and pans."

"Not in your house?"

"Well no…"

"I meant the bit about being high!" Harry broke in, once again thoroughly shocked. "And I don't even want to know why he threw that in."

"It had something to do with last night, actually," Malfoy replied in a very suggestive voice.

"If I had something else right now, I would throw it at you," Hermione replied scowling at him, and Harry left the room shaking his head and grinning.


	5. What Kind of Advances?

**A/N: For those of you who are also waiting for updates on "Friday Night Dinners," I'm halfway through Chapter 6. I swear.**

"Harry," Hermione called out later on that day as she ran to catch up to her friend.

He waited patiently. "I suspect you have something very pressing to ask me."

"You're very perceptive," Hermione replied, smiling.

"Thanks. I try."

"I'm sure. Look, yesterday you seemed afraid of someone…? In the hallway, and then you ran off."

Harry stared at her. "It was nothing."

"That wasn't very convincing."

"I never said I was a good actor."

"Who is it Harry?"

Harry sighed deeply. "Must I tell you?"

"You must," Hermione replied, nodding furtively.

"Seamus has been making some very…disturbing advances."

"Advances?" Hermione asked, looking sideways at her friend and raising her eyebrow.

"Yes, I-" Harry began, but then darted away into the crowd. Hermione didn't need to look over her shoulder to know that Seamus was there.

**Later that day…. (Somewhere around lunchtime, I would say)**

"You know Granger, this whole thing with that Irish boy and Potter is rather amusing," Malfoy mumbled through a mouthful of food.

Hermione looked at him. She knew he'd been tailing her all day, not by choice, of course, but she was prone to forgetting he was there. "Do all boys have terrible table manners?"

"Only when the company doesn't require courtesy."

"That hurts, really it does," Hermione replied, and he shook his head at her.

"Back to the original topic…."

"It is amusing, actually, but you should see the look Harry gets on his face every time he sees Seamus. It's so pathetic," Hermione said, trying to sound sympathetic. But she was soon laughing too hard to sound at all sorry for Harry's predicament.

And then, soon after Malfoy had joined in, the Great Hall fell silent and turned to stare and Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger in absolute hysterics. Together.

"**Hermione…" **Harry began once he'd finally found Hermione later that evening.

"Hmmmm?" She asked, looking up. She closed her book as Harry sat down, knowing there was clearly something fairly important he wanted to talk about.

"Malfoy is where?"

"Oh, um…." Hermione peered around one of the shelves in the library. "A couple rows over. He can't hear anything."

"Well," Harry cleared his throat.

"Is this about Seamus, Harry?" Hermione asked, sounding very motherly. She wanted to laugh as she watched his face turn a sickly shade of white at the mention of the other boy's name.

"No," Harry said slowly, clearing his throat once again.

"Well….?"

"It's about Malfoy. Are you….With him?"

"I'm sorry!" Hermione sputtered.

"After only one day?" Malfoy asked as he walked up to the table. "No, no….By the end of the week, maybe," he said, looking at Harry and smirking.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry asked, outraged.

"Are you really that dense, Potter?" Malfoy responded, rolling his eyes.

"I'll get you-" Harry began, but was quickly cut off by Hermione.

"I need PEZ!" She exclaimed suddenly, looking from one boy to the other, before darting out of the library.

"PEZ?" Both boys asked in unison.

"Are PEZ blue?" Malfoy questioned, but Harry was already running after Hermione.


	6. SPIES

Malfoy woke up on the third day of his binding to Hermione with a headache. He'd been up late the night before pondering what PEZ could be, and though I'm sure many of you know, I'd prefer it if you wouldn't tell him.

So he'd resolved that on that day he was going to find out what PEZ were. Because whatever they were, they were her little blue pills that she tended to take when she was stressed. PEZ little blue pills stress reliever blackmail information.

Because if she was really hooked on whatever these PEZ were, whether it was a drug or something else he couldn't even think of, he needed to know. He was a Slytherin, after all. And though the truce he'd sort-of called with her was genuine, it didn't stop him from doing some dastardly things whilst he was spending time with her.

Dastardly….He liked that word.

"**Hermione," **Harry called to his friend for something like the millionth time in this story.

"Yes?" She turned to him, looking just as tired as Draco, though neither of them knew it, and feeling just how she looked. She braced herself for a barrage of hopeless questions.

Honestly, even her thoughts were horrendously intellectual sounding.

"Aren't PEZ those little candies that pop out of the heads of small contraptions? With the heads fashioned after cartoon animals and pop icons in America?"

"Yes."

"And those are the little blue pills everyone has been wondering about for the past few days?"

"Yes." Hermione looked puzzled. "Everyone?"

"Well, when I'm not fending off Seamus," he quickly glanced over his shoulder, though he was smiling, "I wonder, and Malfoy has been driving himself absolutely mad thinking about it-"

"I heard my name!" Malfoy said from down the Gryffindor table.

"Shut up!" Hermione called back, before turning to Harry. "Continue."

"And Hannah has been a little worried as well."

"Hannah!" Hermione exclaimed.

"What?" Harry asked, puzzled at her exuberant outburst.

Then Hermione muttered something that sounded like "Hannah….Boy…Bid…Jackass…Snogging, I think," before running off to find her friend.

Harry looked at her, and then watched as Malfoy was quickly dragged after her, mouth full of potatoes, screaming curses. Harry's own potatoes shot out of his mouth as he tried to control his laughter.

"**Hannah!" **

"Hermione!"

"Look, we've got an awful lot of catching up to do," Hermione said, sounding like a tired middle-aged woman who hadn't seen her friend in months.

Hannah looked over at her strangely. "It's been two days. Tops."

"Yes, well, erm…"

"Anyways, anything in particular you want to know?"

Hermione perked up a little. "Have you made that awful boy's life a living hell yet?"

Hannah coloured considerably. "Actually…"

"You've been snogging with him in closets haven't you? Even though he's snogging at least five other girls in closets as well."

"Yes," Hannah replied with a defeated sigh.

"You've got to put your foot down!"

"Right…."

"Stand up to him!"

"Right!"

"Good! I've empowered you, and now I have to go box Malfoy over the ears for eavesdropping," Hermione declared before stalking off to find the Slytherin boy who was lurking around the corner.

"**I've got to go to the library," **Malfoy declared, rubbing his red ears.

"What for, exactly?" Hermione asked, clearly irritated simply by his existence.

"Stuff," he replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Well then," Hermione replied, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, it's not like it's really a problem! You practically live in there as it is!" He exploded, waiting in apprehension for her reaction.

She shrugged. "All right. I have been meaning to look for the new edition of a book entitled-"

"I don't care!" She glared at him, and he quickly continued. "I mean," he stuttered, "I just have other stuff on my mind." _Like those damn PEZ!_

After they'd been in the library for over an hour, Malfoy was getting frustrated. He'd soon come to the conclusion that PEZ was something muggle, whether a drug or a medicine, and therefore he was having little luck finding it in any of the books. He'd assumed, however, that there would have had to have been some mention of PEZ _somewhere,_ but he had, clearly, been incorrect.

He stomped up and began to walk over to where Pince (as he so fondly referred to her,) was seated at her desk. He completely forgot that he was attached to Hermione until he heard her fall out of her chair and look at him in frustration. To which, of course, he only smirked and turned back to the librarian.

"Have you ever," he began, dropping his voice to a whisper, "Heard of something called PEZ?"

Pince peered down her nose at him in a very condescending way. "If you can't find it out there, then it isn't," she replied slowly, waving out at the rows of shelves.

"Isn't what?" He asked in frustration, glancing furtively back at the girl behind him.

"Just isn't."

"Isn't in existence?"

She nodded slowly, then turned back to the large book she'd been peering at for as long as Malfoy could remember.

"Well thank you very much," he muttered in a voice that sounded anything but thankful, turning back to Hermione and dragging her out of the library.

"What," he started, glaring at Hermione, who looked at him as if he were completely mad, "Are those little blue pills?"

Hermione looked at him, completely straight-faced. "Spicy PEZ I eat sometimes," she replied before tearing a way from his grip and walking away. He, of course, had to follow.

He'd come to the conclusion that the little blue pills had something to do with the Order, which he and his father had had many long discussions about, since "spicy PEZ I eat sometimes", when you took the first letters, spelt S.P.I.E.S. Therefore, Hermione was plotting something truly evil (or truly good, depending on how you look at it,) and the little blue pills played a great part.

"I want to try one," he said, looking over at the bushy-haired girl who he was sharing a room with for the week.

"Try one what?" Hermione asked, once again sounded annoyed just because he was there.

"Of the pills."

Hermione looked momentarily surprised before going into the bathroom and returning with a small package. "Here," she said, tossing a few of the tablets at him.

He looked them over for a good while, giving Hermione many opportunities to roll her eyes at him, and then popped them in his mouth. She watched him carefully.

"These are sweet!" He exclaimed finally.

Hermione rolled her eyes again. "They're a muggle candy. I eat sugar when I'm stressed, and they're the easiest to carry around with me."

He stared at her in shock. "You mean I've been pondering about this all day and night, for a candy? Thinking of various plots you may have come up with because of SPIES and it's just some little contraption of water and sugar?"

"You were pondering, were you?"

"Just like you to pick up on the small things," he muttered, and she laughed.

"You're funny."

"You're funny looking."

"That hurts, really. Yank my heart out, why don't you."

"Why Granger, I didn't know you cared."

"I don't."

He reflected on that silently for a few seconds before saying "Can I have another PEZ?"

**A/N: Hey Riles, thanks for the long, detailed reviews. The Spicy PEZ I Eat Sometimes is something my friend thought up when she was doodling. And then my other friend told me I should integrate it into this fic. And it's funny, since neither of them like the Draco/Hermione pairing at all….**

**Please, if you review, could you tell me your favourite lines?**


	7. Kiss

Hermione had successfully gotten Draco Malfoy addicted to a muggle candy. Not to say that she'd been trying, exactly….More that it had been an amusing game to play, watching the blond-haired boy try to go certain measures of time without a PEZ and then laughing as he begged her for a few more.

"Malfoy," Hermione said, turning to face him.

"Hmmmm?" He asked through a mouthful of yellow candy. (They'd had to move on to her reserve stash of PEZ, from orange to red to green to yellow.)

"Can I ask you a favour?"

He sat up straight, chewed quickly three times, then swallowed. Or maybe it was more of a nervous gulp. "I know you Granger, and I'm not agreeing to anything until I know what it is. Besides, why would I do favours for you?"

"Fine then. I'll rephrase," Hermione replied, looking very confident and very mischievous. "I issue a challenge."

Malfoy groaned. "This is even worse than before…"

Three minutes, forty-two seconds and 53.14 milliseconds later, Draco Malfoy was protesting strongly. "I absolutely refuse to do that! Under no circumstances!"

"I thought you never backed out of a challenge?" Hermione commented wryly to the close-to-hysterical Slytherin.

"We'll just say that this one hasn't been officially issued yet. But honestly, Granger, help POTTER? Are you out of your bloody mind?"

"You don't do it and I don't give you any more PEZ, I make sure everyone knows that you tried to kiss me, but I rejected you."

"I would never try to kiss you!"

"I certainly hope not," Hermione replied, smirking, before ushering him out the door. "See you tomorrow!" She said in sickeningly sweet voice before closing the door.

He stared at the door for a few seconds. "Damn Gryffindors."

**The next morning found a very grumpy Malfoy and a very cheery Hermione seated at the Gryffindor table. **

"I hate you, you know?"

"You're allowed to use a spell," Hermione replied, looking sideways at him as she bit into her toast.

"But that's not very original, and you'll give me a hard time if I do. Besides," he said after reflecting for a few moments, "There's no spell for getting the strange Irish boy to stop hitting on your best friend, who also happens to be a boy."

"Yes, well, your mission is to do just that. I hope you do it soon," Hermione said sweetly, looking over at Harry, who looked absolutely terrified as he watched Seamus enter the Great Hall.

"I hate you, Granger, more than I ever did before."

"But you love the PEZ, Malfoy."

He muttered a few choice words under his breath before moving over to Hermione's other side, where The Boy Who Lived was being hit upon by Seamus.

"Finnegan," Malfoy growled, catching both Potter's and Seamus' attention. "Stay away from my man."

"You've got to be kidding me Malfoy," Seamus protested cockily. "You and Harry, here?"

"Yes," Malfoy replied steadily, taking one quick look back at Hermione. She nodded encouragingly at him.

"Please," Seamus replied, rolling his eyes. Harry still looked terrified, though he couldn't decide whether to be relieved that Malfoy was helping him or suspicious.

"Fine then, I'll prove it," Malfoy said harshly, thinking of the PEZ, and leaning over and giving Harry a kiss.

Seamus backed away around the time Malfoy pulled away, thougroughly disgusted.

He stalked out of the Great Hall, all eyes on him, dragging Hermione as he went.

"Now tell me," he began ranting, hacking and spitting, "Why you couldn't have done that?"

"It was more fun to watch you do it. And besides," Hermione wrinkled her nose, "Honestly, kissing my best friend would just be too weird!"

"As opposed to kissing your enemy, I suppose," Malfoy commented wryly, taking a few PEZ from her hand.

"It worked, though, didn't it?" She commented brightly.

Malfoy glared at her and tried not to envision his hands around her throat.

"**Hermione!" **Hannah called to her friend.

Hermione spun around. "Hullo," she said, grinning.

"You really are quite amazing, you know?"

"I know, but…." Hermione looked genuinely puzzled, "What are we talking about?"

Hannah rolled her eyes. "You orchestrated that entire…debacle."

"Debacle, huh?" Hermione looked pleased at the description. "But couldn't Malfoy just be having a mad love affair with Harry?"

Hannah snorted. "Are you kidding? It was just to get that Irish boy off his back, wasn't it?"

Hermione smirked. "Yes, and it worked."

"It always works, Hermione. I can't imagine what must have been going through Malfoy's head though. Were you blackmailing him?"

"Sort of," Hermione replied, grinning and fingering the small foil package in her pocket.

"**Hermione," **a low voice hissed, dragging her into a classroom. It was Harry.

"Hullo Harry."

"Is he outside?" He hissed once again, gesturing at the door.

"Malfoy isn't in here, so yeah, I'd reckon he's just out there."

"I appreciate your help, really I do, but did it have to be that drastic?" He asked her, sounding a little hysterical himself.

"Look Harry," Hermione replied as she rolled her eyes, "No one really cares about your sexuality. What they do care about is the fact that Draco Malfoy, the so-called Slytherin Sex God, is apparently gay. Really, Malfoy's having a harder time than you are. And Seamus is off your back."

Harry thought about that. "Good point."

"Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse, I have to go make sure Malfoy isn't plotting to kill me."

"**Granger, I'll kill you," **Malfoy growled when Hermione came out of the class room. Hermione sighed deeply and continued walking. "I'm serious Granger! I just had someone pin a rainbow flag on me!"

Hermione kept walking though her shoulders were shaking with laughter.

**Luna Lovegood** sat in a small alcove in the hallway and watched her classmates.

It was obvious to her that Hermione Granger was finding herself strangely attracted to Draco Malfoy, and not just in a physical way.

And Draco Malfoy, it seemed, was having the same problem. He couldn't keep his eyes off Hermione, even if he was glaring….it was just a clever cover-up, Luna was convinced.

As for the infamous Harry Potter, it was fairly evident that he wasn't as straight as he wanted himself and everyone else to believe, though he was clearly quite unsure about it. Seamus Finnegan wouldn't have been a good match for him anyways, she thought.

And Hannah Abbot, Hermione's Hufflepuff friend, was having some troubles of her own. That boy she'd bid on, a boy who'd transferred a year before, Will, she thought his name was- He was trouble, but he liked Hannah a lot more than he cared to let on.

And Hannah liked him far more than she wanted to admit, since he was such a player.

Luna sighed deeply and dipped her quill into the small pot of ink resting on her leg. Then she began to write on a long piece of parchment. "The Tangled Web We Weave."

**A/N: Right, well, a bit of an odd chapter, but….It had to be written. And I have the next two chapters planned out- This was day 4 of their week-long binding. **

**To Miss-Cody-James, I finally added Luna! There's a note on my bulletin board saying "ADD LUNA!" but I only just got around to it. Don't know if that's what you were expecting, but I think her insight cleared up a lot….**


	8. Another Kiss Of course

"You got me into this mess Granger, now fix it!"

"Fix what, exactly?" Hermione asked. They were seated at the Slytherin table that morning, as Malfoy couldn't stand the various degrees of looks the Gryffindors were giving him. They ranged from stunned to jealous to disbelieving to hating to admiration, and, with a hissed "Damn Gryffindors," he had given up trying to figure them out and dragged Hermione over to the Slytherin table.

At least there he knew where he stood.

Except that day they were being almost as bad as the Gryffindors. Very little jealousy- Mostly confusion or hatred. Hermione was finding the entire…Debacle a very interesting experience.

"I want you to make sure everyone stops thinking I'm gay," he said, ripping into a piece of toast. "It's horrible. And I'm not gay."

Hermione smirked. "They don't know that."

"No amount of PEZ could possibly make up for this. I kissed my enemy!" He stopped, glared at all the people who were eavesdropping, then looked at her suspiciously. "Did you drug them, maybe?"

"No!" Hermione said, entirely aghast.

He looked at her a few more seconds before looking back down at his toast and saying "Well then!" in an all too cheery voice for a Slytherin.

Hermione was about to question him when Hannah plopped down to her right. All the Slytherins seemed absolutely beside themselves. A Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff? What had they done to deserve _that?_

Hannah looked up and down the table, then commented loudly "I know someone from Ravenclaw, Hermione, who could come eat with us…."

There were many hurried responses of "No!" "She's fine!" "You needn't bother!" As the table settled down as Hannah laughed, Hermione chided her. "That wasn't very nice."

"No," Hannah replied evenly, "But it was terribly amusing."

"You know, you have a fairly twisted sense of humour," Malfoy commented.

"You're only saying that because you're a Slytherin," Hannah replied reproachfully, glad that he wasn't muttering curses at her. Clearly his short time with Hermione had done him well.

"No, actually," Hermione said, passing the jelly down the table. "You are fairly twisted."

"He's turning you Slytherin!" Hannah cried, and Hermione and Malfoy rolled their eyes in unison. Hannah stared at them. "That was just freaky…."

"What was?" They asked, once again in unison. Then they stared at each other. Once again in unison "Oh."

"Yeah 'Oh,'" Hannah replied, but she was grinning.

Hermione glared at her friend. She knew what her friend was getting at, albeit subtly, and she wasn't pleased at all. "So Hannah," Hermione began, and Hannah was instantly on her guard, "How's it going with Will?"

Hannah coloured. Perhaps the only time she ever blushed was when Hermione mentioned Will. Malfoy shot her a very curious glance. _Honestly, _Hermione thought,_ he would be such a girl. Except for that ass…I did not just think that. I did not just think that. I did not-_

"Granger?" Malfoy was peering at her, hair falling in his eyes. Hermione looked at him ruefully and thought _Almost makes you wish he'd stuck with that God-awful gel. _

"Hermione?" Hannah said, waving a hand in her friend's face. "Honestly, ask me a question, but don't even bother to listen for an answer."

"Sorry Hannah," Hermione replied automatically, trying to avoid Malfoy's puzzled gaze. "So?"

"I don't know Hermione. Honestly, I think he likes me as more than a 'Friends with Privileges' sort of thing, but I have no idea how I'm going to get him to admit it."

"Have you told him you like as more than a….Whatever you just said?" Malfoy asked, and Hermione looked at him in surprise.

Hannah, however, coloured once again. "No."

"Then that is your official mission," Hermione replied curtly. "Tell me what happens!" Hannah was walking back towards the Hufflepuff table, looking very determined.

"Quite the relationship expert, huh Malfoy?" Hermione asked teasingly.

"Granger, shut it."

Hermione only laughed.

Just before lunch, Malfoy and Hermione were walking together to the Great Hall. "I don't want to have guys coming on to me anymore! I mean, I am obviously straight," Malfoy complained, tossing his hair out of his eyes in a very girly way and listening for Hermione's laugh to reach his ears. It wasn't a delicate laugh, though it wasn't like it sounded horrible either. It just seemed so genuine and- And Slytherins were sure as hell not supposed to think like that. About anyone. Let alone a mudblood.

"Prove it to them," Hermione replied once her laughter had subsided.

"How?"

"Well, you kissed a guy to prove you were gay-"

"I was not proving I was gay!"

Hermione smirked and entered the Great Hall. She stopped short and looked out at the accumulated people. "You have to prove it. And they all need to see it."

"I know, I know," Malfoy replied, reaching into her back pocket and pulling out the PEZ package. Hermione gasped and leapt three feet in the air.

"Don't do that!" She said, trying to keep her voice low and her cheeks from staining red, but he only returned her earlier smirk and sucked on a few of the candies. She growled at him as they walked to his table, and he raised his eyebrows at the animalistic noise. "Pig."

"Kitty," he whispered in her ear, enjoying her surprised, defensive, pissed, even curious expression.

"Jackass," she whispered into his ear, reaching across him for the bread and smiling a little.

"Filly."

"Tiger," she said, watching the emotions on his face flicker.

"You know how I was supposed to prove I was straight?" He countered, and she gave a soft noise of recognition. "Well…" He said, before leaning down and kissing her for what seemed like all too long. And then she slapped him, rolled her eyes, and went back to her dinner.

But not before she'd whispered once more in his ear, "No more PEZ for you," and pulled the package out of his front pocket.

**A/N: The school's reaction, Malfoy's thoughts, Harry's thoughts, Luna's thoughts, and Hermione's hysteria….All in the next chapter!**


	9. Reactions

**A/N: Since this chapter is mostly about reactions, all thoughts are in italics.**

The Slytherin table was dead silent. Which is the most accurate description I can give, as half of them had fainted dead away. A portion of the half that hadn't was glaring at Hermione in disgust, rage, and jealousy, in the case of most of the girls. Malfoy was smirking despite the slap she'd given him, and thinking. Or pondering, depending on how you'd like to think of it.

_Well, I've proved that I'm straight, at the very least. And gotten Granger substantially riled up. Though I'm going to get hell for this one, just like kissing Potter... Bad Draco! Purge that memory from your mind! _He groaned out loud. _Why can't I ever do things the easy way...?_

_Though she is an awfully good kisser._

Hermione was sitting beside him, managing to keep her cool, and eating her eggs. _Malfoys...Slytherins...Damn them all! I can't believe he would do that, even to prove a point and get himself out of a mess...That I got him into. All right, perhaps it wasn't entirely uncalled for. _

_And it wasn't that bad of a kiss either._

Across the Great Hall, Hannah was enveloped in the Hufflepuff discussion over the kiss.

"I can't believe he did that!"

"In front of everyone!"

"-didn't see that one coming!"

Hannah snorted into her milk. _Didn't see that one coming? She had, from a mile away. First, Malfoys did what they could to get what they wanted, or get themselves out of sticky situations. And clearly Malfoys were not meant to be labeled as gay either, so he'd found a way to get himself out. And it wasn't like Hermione had hated it that much either. It didn't take Luna Lovegood to figure that out..._

Which brings us, of course, to Luna, who was looking down at her parchment with a silly grin on her face. The relationships and sexuality (in Harry's case) of her classmates was still crystal clear and as easy to read as her neat handwriting. But she was laughing internally at the stunned looks on the Slytherins' faces- And the Gryffindors' faces. Honestly, if Hermione hadn't slapped him, they probably would have keeled over…Just like the Slytherins.

Luna grinned and looked lazily around the Hall, eyes resting on Harry Potter.

_Malfoy. Has. Gone. Utterly. And. Completely. Mad._ He thought to himself over and over again, trying to concentrate on the food on his plate rather than the churning food in his stomach.

Ron, beside him, looked absolutely dumbfounded. A little angry, but even a little amused. Which was a good sign, Harry thought. Because if Ron had been angry he might have actually had to _do_ something to stop him.

Hannah's boy, William, was staring at Hannah and flirting with the girl to his right at the same time, and therefore had little to say on the subject of Hermione's and Malfoy's kiss.

The Ravenclaw boy who Hermione had planned on bidding on, Tory, was looking rather shocked at the thought of a Slytherin and a Gryffindor kissing and thinking that Hermione Granger had always seemed like a nice witch…He'd have to try talking to her some time.

At the teacher's table, Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling, Professor Trelawney was saying that she'd known it was going to happen, McGonagall seemed to be at a standstill between looking amused and terrified, and Snape was having a fit. Literally. Or a heart attack…

When Hermione had finished eating, she got up and left the Great Hall, all eyes on her. Malfoy grudgingly followed.

Once they were out in the hallway, Malfoy braced himself for an explosion. He wasn't disappointed.

"When I told you to prove it to them, I most certainly did not mean to kiss me, as I told you very specifically at the beginning of the week that you were a prat and I wanted you to stop acting like one!" She took a breath and began to continue, but he cut her off.

"Me kissing you has nothing to do with being a prat. Besides, I think you rather liked it."

"That's beside the point!" Hermione huffed, earning her a other smirk from the taller boy.

"So you did like that kiss?"

"Maybe. And you?"

"To respond to that question would mean admitting you kissed back."

"And?"

"You know, for somebody so smart you can be rather daft sometimes. It means that you enjoyed the kiss."

"Just because I kissed back doesn't mean I enjoyed it."

"Well-"

"Well nothing. You get to stop talking now, mostly because I don't want to listen to you," and with that, Hermione stormed off. Though the effect was substantially ruined due to the fact that he was forced to follow her.

A little later on, Hermione found Hannah and pulled her into a classroom, performing a quick silencing charm.

"Hermione?"

"Hannah," Hermione replied, taking a deep breath. "I'm madly in like with Draco Malfoy!"

"Well you certainly didn't show it," Hannah replied with an exaggerated eye roll. "And wait- Madly in like?"

"Well I don't _love_ him," Hermione said, taking her turn and rolling her own eyes.

"Of course not. So, why are you telling me?"

"Best friends are supposed to give advice."

"Sorry," Hannah replied with a tired shrug of her shoulders, "I'm fresh out."

"I just realized something," Hermione said after a pause.

"Yes?"

"Whenever William is making out in closets with other girls, what are you doing?"

"Standing outside waiting. I am attached to him."

"What an asshole."

"Yes," Hannah replied. "But he's my asshole."

Outside, an entirely different conversation was going on between William and Malfoy.

"So, do you like her or her best friend?" William asked Malfoy, with a cocky smirk that didn't even come close to matching Malfoy's. (Or, for that matter, come close to matching the smirk Hermione was quickly developing.)

"Neither," Malfoy sneered.

"Well, between us, I'd go for the girl. Just a thought." Another bad smirk.

"Thanks for the advice," Malfoy growled. "And what about you?"

His smirk changed to a grin. "I've got a few girls…I rotate."

Malfoy snorted. "That's pretty low." He paused. "So, do you actually like any of them?" He tried not to gag at his own words- Trying to help Granger's friend was proving to be more sickening than he'd thought.

"Well, Hannah's….I like Hannah, I guess. But, you know, can't get committed."

"Heaven forbid," Malfoy responded sarcastically. Just then Hermione and Hannah returned.

"Come on Malfoy. I have to talk to you," Hermione said, dragging Malfoy with her. He quickened his pace and caught up with her, looking back for only a second to see Hannah and William kissing.

"What is it Granger?"

"Did you have to kiss me?"

"Did you have to get me addicted to your muggle candy?"

"Different!"

"I suppose…" He looked thoughtful, then smirked. Hermione looked at him warily. "Unless, of course, you're addicted to my kisses."

"Now why would I be-" Hermione began, but he cut her off with a short kiss, then strode off. "Oh," Hermione said, shaking her head and walking towards the Gryffindor common room. She pulled a PEZ out of her pocket and sucked on it thoughtfully.

**A/N: There's only one day left in their binding! BTW, because I know you'll ask, the binding disappears at a certain time during the night, and then they can go their separate ways. And then it starts…When they enter the Great Hall in the morning. Yeah, I think that makes relative sense.**


	10. Last Day

**A/N: Special note: Hey Miss-Cody-James. Thanks for sticking around even though you ship Ron/Hermione, and thanks for the suggestions. And thanks to Allybally, who always tells me her favourite lines…(Hint hint to the rest of you)**

"Must I wake every morning to find you standing over me?" Hermione asked, looking up into Malfoy's face.

"Must you speak like a freak?" He countered, grinning down at her.

"Can you stop the rhyme? It's not the time," Hermione replied, grinning a little herself and taking the mug of coffee he was holding out to her.

"Can't beat that," Malfoy said with a shrug.

"Damn right you can't."

"Granger, I've been wondering…"

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell anyone your little blue pills were actually candy?"

Hermione smirked at him. "It was more fun to watch you ponder, thinking hard and looking yonder," she replied, walking into her bathroom.

"That was bad!" He called through the door.

"So what are we going to do about the mess you've gotten us into?" Hermione asked once she had stepped out of the bathroom.

He spluttered for a few seconds before responding, absolutely outraged. "Excuse me? The mess I've gotten us into? Need I remind you that you're the one who bid on me? You're the one who got me addicted to your damn muggle candies so I could be blackmailed into kissing your best friend and then-"

But Hermione had done the appropriately cliché thing of kissing him to shut him up, which inevitably led to him kissing her back. She pulled back, looked at him, and then gave him a pack of PEZ. "Thanks," she whispered softly. "For the Harry thing. And for trying to help Hannah."

"Trying to? Are you implying that my advice wasn't good enough?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "There you go again, ruining a perfectly good sweet and tender moment with your indignation."

"Oh, right, like it's all my fault."

"Well mostly, yes."

"You just need a scapegoat."

"Big word."

"Cheap shot. Shall we head off to breakfast?" He asked jovially, extending his arm to her.

She stared at him in shock. "Don't act so….Polite. It's a little disturbing."

"But you asked me not to be a prat…"

"Well, find a happy medium!"

"Fine!" And the two made their way to the Great Hall.

Dumbledore raised his glass to the hall, and McGonagall tapped on hers, and within a few seconds the entire school was paying attention, albeit groggily.

"As you will know, it is the last day of the binding spell for those who participated in the auction." A few sighs could be heard around the room, but a few fist pumps could be seen as well. Neither of these came from Malfoy and Hermione. "We will not be having a ball to end this week. But those of you who are bound at the moment will have permission to go to Hogsmeade in the evening, under conditions."

"You get to read those," Hermione whispered to Malfoy, earning a small laugh.

As Dumbledore mumbled on about something else, Hannah was striding over to where they sat. "Hey," she said happily, sitting down across from them.

"Did William give you his class ring?" Malfoy sneered, and Hermione whacked him over the head.

"And his letterman jacket!" Hannah mock-squealed, as she was fairly adept at muggle studies. Hermione laughed while Malfoy looked positively lost. "No, but I've broken up with him." She glanced back a few meters to where Will was standing, glaring at her for dragging him around. "Sort of, anyways. Officially by the end of today."

"So you're not going to Hogsmeade with him?"

"Well I am…But that's not the point. What about you too? Renounced your livelihoods, your parents, and all who oppose you yet? Started calling each other by your first names? Planning on telling your grand-children all about how an auction and a few PEZ got you together?" Hannah took a bit of Hermione's toast, and looked at the two amusedly.

They were, for their part, looking positively taken aback. Hannah rolled her eyes.

"C'mon you two. It's not as if I'm blind. Quite clearly there's something going on, I mean, what with the bickering-and-witty-repertoire that's really just flirting shamelessly and the times you shoot each other sideways glances and the realization that you are addicted to not only the PEZ but maybe, just maybe, to each other's company? You're hopelessly infatuated!" They continued staring at her, and she sighed deeply. "Oh well. Maybe something will happen tonight in Hogsmeade." And with that, she walked back to the Hufflepuff table.

"We don't flirt shamelessly," Malfoy finally said.

"No, of course not. I mean, there's a little shame."

"A little."

"Small amount."

"And what does she mean sideways glances?" Hermione shot him a sideways glance. "Oh," he said, looking thoughtful.

"Besides, it's not humanly possible to be addicted to someone's company," Hermione said in her know-it-all, matter-of-fact tone of voice.

Malfoy stared at her for a few seconds, and then let his head fall into his hands, laughing uncontrollably.

Luna Lovegood was, of course, watching this entire thing and listening very intently with her Hear-A-Scope, while writing notes down every so often. If her fellow Ravenclaws hadn't already thought she was absolutely mad, her fascination with the almost-couple would have done the trick.

Meanwhile, Harry was struggling with one of his extremely Harry-like internal battles, and he was losing.

_I'm not gay._

_That's a good one._

_Seriously._

_Uh-huh._

_I'M NOT!_

_Does Seamus look hot in those jeans?  
_

_Yes. I mean, how would I know?_

_I rest my case._

_I hate you._

_Then you're depressed._

_That was a pretty stupid thing to say._

_You only want to think it was stupid._

_Nice comeback._

_I thought so._

_I'm not talking to you anymore._

_Fine!_

_FINE!_

Harry's face contorted in many different ways, but only Seamus noticed, and he just thought it was a very Harry-like thing to do.

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. I just had this huge move, and I didn't have internet access- but I'm posting it now, and I'm thankful to those of you who have hung around. Please tell me if you have a favourite line!**


	11. Don't Finish the Riff

"Hermione, I need to speak to you," Harry said, catching up with his friend.

"I'm a little busy right now," Hermione said distractedly, turning to face him. Hannah popped up at her side.

"She's thinking about whether or not she'll be able to kiss Malfoy again tonight," Hannah said with a wide grin, ducking to avoid Hermione's book. She then promptly disappeared again.

"Are you really?" Harry asked, though he didn't seem interested at all.

"Look Harry, I really don't care what you have to say about Malfoy, as he's an awfully good kisser, hasn't been a total prat to Hannah, and got you out of some trouble. He could have done it in a better way than he did, but at least he made a genuine effort. And the fact that I have him addicted to muggle candy has nothing to do with it, as it was a still a reasonably good deed all the same. I know he's been an absolute ass for the past six years, but it's really how you're brought up- I read a book about it the other week- it's about environment not just something you have in you. So really he's only a prat because he's been raised that way, and I can't help if I happen to be falling madly in like with him because I've always had a thing for bad boys which is why Ron and I would never have really worked."

"Told you," Hannah said, suddenly appearing once again. Hermione ignored her as she was waiting for Harry's reaction.

"I understand completely," Harry said, smiling and nodding. He then switched back to his serious face and stared at her. "Hermione. I think I'm gay."

_I win! _Said the little voice inside Harry's head.

_No, you didn't win, I just made the decision that was right for me!_

_Yeah, right…It had nothing to do with Seamus._

_Seamus is not hot!_

_I never said he was_

_Gotcha!_

"Harry?" Hermione was looking at her friend with concern on her face. "Harry…?" Harry didn't respond. "Right then, I'm just going to go find a book…"

"Bet you she's just going to freshen up for her date with Dreamy Draco," Hannah said with a wink, gone again before Hermione could grab another large heavy object to throw at her.

Draco Malfoy was standing a little ways down the hallway, talking with some Slytherin friends, and (thankfully) did not hear Hermione's speech. He was rather perturbed with her, however, when she began bolting down the hall and he was thrown to the ground and dragged after her. Luna, who was sitting in a corner watching the scene unfold, cracked a slow, lazy smile at the sight, whilst Hannah was in tears at Draco Malfoy's scowling face. Harry wasn't paying attention as he and his mind were otherwise engaged.

"I hate you so much," Malfoy growled once Hermione had finally stopped. She pressed a green PEZ to his lips, and eventually he dropped the scowl and compliantly opened his mouth.

"Now shut up," Hermione said sweetly, before entering her room and slamming the door behind her.

"Granger, I am not just going to stand out here while you pamper yourself!"

"Pamper myself?" Hermione called through the door, an evil smile quickly growing on her face.

"OR whatever it is you girls do to get ready for a date."

There was a silence. A rather awkward silence, in which Draco Malfoy gulped and realized what he'd just said, and also in which Hermione's evil smile changed to a smirk.

"A date, huh?" She said through the door, evidently enjoying herself.

"Oh, shut up!"

"You want to hug me, you want to kiss me, you want smooch me…" Hermione sang as she stepped out of her room. Draco Malfoy was sitting in a chair and looking rather perturbed. It reminded Hermione vaguely of watching her cousin's boyfriend sit in a change-room chair while she tried on dress after dress.

"Granger, I seriously dislike you," he said, looking up and blinking a few times.

"Come on now Malfoy, you know that's not true," Hermione chided, walking over to him.

"Yes, well…" He said, pulling her down so she was on his lap. He leaned forward, slid a hand down her harm and onto her thigh, leaned forward a little more, and then grabbed the small pack of PEZ in her front pocket.

"Malfoy, you arrogant bloody-" He cut her off by slipping a PEZ into her mouth.

"Such language Granger."

She sucked on the PEZ for a few moments. "Slytherin. Tasty." He grinned at her. "That's not how I meant it!"

"Right so…You're paying," Hermione said, walking out of Hogwarts.

Malfoy scoffed. "You wish."

"No, no Malfoy! Your line is 'Why, I'd be honoured to pay for your supper, lovely lady.'"

"Really?" He asked, looking amused. "I assumed you would have seriously injured me if I'd called you 'lovely lady.'"

Hermione looked thoughtful. "That's a very good point, actually."

"I am quite brilliant that way."

"Or maybe you just know me too well," she responded slyly, watching his reaction out of the corner of her eye.

"Yes well, just don't expect me to renounce my parents and all who oppose me any time soon Granger."

"Wouldn't dream of it Malfoy." She paused for a few seconds, and the two walked in a (rare) peaceful silence. "And I don't think I could call you Draco. It would just be-"

"Too weird," he finished for her. She grinned at him.

Hannah suddenly showed up on Hermione's right. "You two are so cute." Hermione glared at her, Draco smirked, and William caught up with them.

"Wanna double date?" He asked, and Hermione and Draco shot each other looks.

Dinner was surprisingly mundane and by-the-book, as William didn't make a complete fool of himself, Malfoy wasn't a complete prat, Hannah refrained from giggling, and Hermione refrained for hurting Hannah. As they left the restaurant and walked through the street, Hannah began to walk away with Will.

"C'mon Will darling. Let's leave these two to figure out whether or not they are addicted to each other's company," Hannah said, dragging Will after her.

"Wha-?"

"Less talk, more kissing," Hannah said, grabbing his hand and pulling him off the main street.

"Well," Malfoy said, smirking once more.

"It is impossible to be addicted to someone's company," Hermione stated, walking a little ways ahead of Malfoy.

"How would you know? And how do you test something like that?" He questioned, catching up to her in two quick strides.

"Well, you'd stick them together for a certain amount of time-"

"Maybe a week?" Malfoy suggested nonchalantly.

"Exactly," Hermione agreed with a curt nod of her head. "And you make them spend the most amount of time together they can-"

"Maybe bind them?"

Hermione nodded. "And then you separate them from each other's company and see if there are any withdrawal symptoms."

"Like how we'll be separated tomorrow?"

"Precisely!" Hermione stopped short. "I won't go into withdrawal from your company."

"You mean you won't miss my wit, our witty banter, this lovely face?"

"What wit? There are other people I can talk to, and it's not lovely," Hermione replied, just as curtly as before, not looking at him.

"No?" He asked her, grabbing her hand and spinning her around.

She stared up at him for a few seconds. "No."

"Well then," he said, dropping her arm and continuing to walk.

"Not lovely at all," Hermione said softly, walking beside him. They didn't talk the rest of the way to Hogwarts.

**A/N: I'd like to think this was a pretty fast update…Anyways, I'm not quite sure when this is actually going to end, but there will be at least one more chapter. Please review. And sorry 'bout the slight Ron bashing- I love them in the books! Honest! I just write DMHG 'cause it's funnier and less fluffy…(Usually, anyways. Seeing as how this was a pretty fluffy chapter.)**


	12. Withdrawal Symptoms

_Psychology. A psychiatric disorder characterized by an **1)** inability to concentrate, **2)** insomnia,**3)** loss of appetite, **4)** anhedonia, **5)**feelings of extreme sadness, **6)** guilt, **7)** helplessness and hopelessness, and **8)** thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression._

_Note: Depression on the whole can be classified as a withdrawal symptom._

_(Anhedonia: Absence of pleasure from the performance of acts that would normally be pleasurable.)_

Part 1: Hermione

**1. **

"Hermione…? Hermione?" Harry stared at his friend. Ron waved a hand in front of her face. "HERMIONE!"

"What?" She snapped, looking rather perturbed.

"We've been trying to get your attention," Harry replied wryly.

Hermione had the grace to look sheepish. "Oh."

"And so, in the witch rebellion in the late 1700's, the great majority of the battles were won by which side? Anyone? …..Anyone? Anyone?"

Hermione looked at the swirls on her page. They were awfully pretty swirls. Maybe she should have them framed…

"I don't know what to do about Will," Hannah confided to her friend.

"Hmmm…." Hermione replied, looking at a piece of parchment on her lap.

"I mean, I think I like him but-" Hannah looked curiously at her friend. "David Beckham visited my house last night."

"Hmmm…."

"Orlando Bloom proposed to me outside of my dorm room this morning."

Hermione nodded her head.

"Draco Malfoy told me he loved you."

"That's nice Hannah."

**2. **

Hermione's ceiling had always been one of things that wouldn't be considered incredibly interesting. As a general rule, in fact, ceilings aren't very interesting at all. But on this particular night, with odd shadows cast across it, Hermione was finding her ceiling fascinating.

No, really. Well, that and the fact that she couldn't sleep. And she might as well stare at her ceiling if she couldn't sleep. Ceiling….shadows…palm trees…pumpkin pie….red stickers….Draco Malfoy

Maybe she should try sleeping again.

**3. **

"Hermione," Ron began nervously. "Have you started on another campaign against using the house elves to prepare the feasts?"

"No Ron."

"Then," Harry started, looking confused at worried all at once (which was easy to see, as he was the master of conflicted emotions) "Why aren't you eating."

"I've never liked toast," Hermione replied mildly, sounding an awful lot like Luna.

Harry and Ron exchanged glances.

**4. **

"Ms. Granger, the next edition of _Hogwarts: A History _has just come in to the library," Mrs. Pince told Hermione as she passed through the library.

"Thank you," Hermione said, and continued on her way. Mrs. Pince had bent down to get the book for her, but when she looked back, Hermione was gone.

"Pop quiz," Snape drawled, looking pleased. The entire class groaned. Hermione didn't say anything. The entire class stared at Hermione. "Well Ms. Granger. Aren't you excited?"

"Oh, um, of course," Hermione replied blankly. The entire class continued to stare at her.

"It was awful Hannah," Harry said. "She wasn't excited at all about the pop quiz."

Hannah looked aghast.

**5. **

Hermione looked at herself in the mirror. The corners of her lips turned down. She tried to smile. The sun shone. Hermione grimaced even more. The birds sang. Hermione closed her window.

Life was pathetic.

_No it's not, _said the voice inside her head. _You're just experiencing feelings of extreme sadness._

"Obviously," Hermione replied.

**6. **

"Harry," Hermione began. "I'm so sorry."

"Erm….What for?"

_When it says guilt, _the voice began, _it means about something you've actually done. _

"Oh," Hermione said. Then she began to walk away. Harry stared after her fearfully. There was definitely something wrong with her.

**7. **

"Life is hopeless," Hermione told her ceiling dryly. "But I don't know why."

_Because you're absolutely helpless in this great big world? _The voice said.

Hermione thought about it. "That's probably it."

**8.**

It became clear to Hermione that there was only one way to solve her problem(s).

She had to kill Draco Malfoy.

Part 2: Malfoy

**1. **

"I'm sorry Professor," Malfoy began. "What was the question?"

"…and then, you won't believe this, she said that I had the most- Draco, you're not paying attention," Pansy said reproachfully. "Are you suffering from depression and are therefore finding you are unable to concentrate?"

"No," Malfoy replied. "You just bore me."

Draco Malfoy was not a doodler. He did not draw pretty squiggles or hearts or portraits all over his work. This was partly because it had greater repercussion with ink than with a #2 pencil, like most high school students use, but it was also because it was not in his nature.

If, however, you looked at all his work from the past week, you would see more pretty squiggles and portraits than actual work.

**2. **

When Malfoy couldn't sleep, he briefly considered taking his broomstick and flying around the Quidditch pitch. But he was too cold.

He then thought about reading a book- but he had read all the books in his collection too many times to count, and he couldn't go to the library. He was too cold.

He thought about painting a picture. Then he realized he had no paints, nor any talent. Plus he was too cold to even sit and paint.

He then considered sending an owl to Hermione….But sleep was probably a better option. In the long run. Obviously.

**3. **

Draco poked his steak.

"Don't tell me you've started dieting," Blaise said in exaggerated gay voice. "You know, not everyone can be thin like the celebrities Draco dahling, least of all you."

Draco poked his salad.

"Where has your appetite gotten to? Hawaii?" Blaise laughed at his own joke.

Draco poked the potatoes on his plate.

"At least drink some milk. Grow strong bones," Blaise continued, unabashed, in a grandma voice. Switching back to his own he continued "So you can play Quidditch and we might actually have a chance at the cup this year…"

Draco pokes his bread roll. Blaise gave up.

**4.**

"Want to come torture first years with us?"

"No," Malfoy replied.

"Want to come torture some Gryffindors with us?"

"No," Malfoy replied.

"Want to work on extra potions?"

Malfoy hesitated. "No," he replied.

**5. **

"What's sadness?" Malfoy asked to the hallway.

"Stop trying to be all deep and philosophical," a passing third year growled.

**6.**

_Feeling guilty?_ Asked the voice in Malfoy's head sympathetically.

"No," he responded.

_I bet you are. I bet you're harbouring deep feelings of guilt._

"About what?"

_Never being able to please your father, getting second-best marks, never sending a Christmas card to your Aunt Lucinda, keeping that book from the library…And never telling Hermione Granger how you truly felt about her._

Malfoy didn't say anything for a few moments. "Shut up."

**7. **

Malfoy sat in the astronomy tower with a group of students smoking something.

"Life is hopeless," Malfoy said, resting his head in his hands.

"Totally," agreed another boy.

"It's like….Hopelessly hopeless," one girl commented.

"We're all so helpless in this great big world," said one boy passionately.

"Malfoys aren't helpless," Malfoy said, looking outraged, before stomping away from the astronomy tower.

There was a brief silence, but it was a very deep silence. "Totally."

"Totally," the others agreed.

**8. **

It became clear to Malfoy that there was only one way to solve his problem(s).

He had to kill Hermione Granger.

**A/N: Hey guys. Sorry this took so long. I was 'totally' brain dead- severe writer's block- couldn't think of anything. I tried to keep this mildly humorous while not being too weird, but I don't know how well that worked. All thoughts are appreciated, and if you liked a certain line, tell me! **

**Allybally: Because I updated, you have to as well. That's the rule. **


	13. Humiliation Hufflepuff

**A/N: I am truly sorry, Fiby, for the lack of Ron. He just didn't really fit in this story, and I'm sorry- but if you like Ron you probably wouldn't have liked how I portrayed him anyways. It tends to be seen as Ron-bashing, though I never mean it to be.**

**Anyways, on with the chapter.**

_My Dear Hermione Granger,_

_Please meet me at the Potions classroom this evening at 9 O'clock. I have a surprise for you._

_D. Malfoy_

_My Dear Draco Malfoy,_

_The entire idea of receiving a surprise from a Slytherin is something I look upon with apprehension. However, I am intrigued, and therefore will be seeing you at 9 O'clock._

_H. Granger_

**Promptly 9 O'clock:**

Hermione had, of course, arrived on time. Despite her immense feelings of absolute terror at meeting a Slytherin in a dark room at night, she had come. She had, however, also brought her wand, various types of poison, one knife, and a can of mace.

When Malfoy finally arrived, her wand was clutched in her hand, the can of mace in her other, and the poison in her pockets and the knife in her boot. But when she saw him she completely relaxed her grip on everything (including reality) just to look at him. He had decided to come directly from a last-minute Quidditch practice, and so his shirt was stuck to his chest in a way that could only be described in a rather un-Hermione-like way: Incredibly, dashingly, horribly, and absolutely mind-blowingly sexy.

"Granger," he said with a curt nod. And before he knew it, the bookworm had pounced on him and they had sex right then and there.

_No, I lied. I mean, did you actually believe that? Rewind a bit. _

"Granger," he said with a curt nod.

"Malfoy," Hermione replied, trying to sound equally as curt but finding that she sounded like a breathy porn star with a name like Dazzle McQueen who had come from a broken home but had really found comfort in making porn movies.

"I need to talk to you," he said, settling himself against a wall.

"Really? Because I thought we were just going to stare at each other," Hermione said, sounding incredibly sarcastic and a lot less like a breathy porn star.

He glared at her. "As much as I hate to admit this, I miss you."

"Oh really?" Hermione asked, cocking an eyebrow and trying to act as if she hadn't been dreaming of him for the past week.

He rolled his eyes at her. "You're taking great pleasure in this, aren't you?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Maybe because you have a confession coming as well?"

"Are you that pompous? Can't you just assume that I do fine without you?"

"No."

She looked at him for a few moments. "I have to go. This was pointless."

"You are the stupidest smart person I've ever met," he said, shaking his head at her.

"Oh," she began angrily, "And why is that?"

"If you leave now, which would be incredibly stupid- hence the stupid bit- then you'd be giving me up. We can't just dance around each other for the rest of the year, Granger. It'll drive us both insasne."

"I think I'll be over you by then," she replied, feeling a little ridiculous.

"Ha!" He exploded, stepping towards her. "So you admit that you're not over me right now?"

"Honestly?" She asked softly.

"Honestly," he replied, face softening.

"You piss me off! You are the most arrogant, egotistical prat I have ever met in my entire life. For a long time, you treated me like shit. Now you can't even get out of my head. In short, honestly, I haven't been able to get you out of my head for the past week, and it's killing me." She looked up at him and said calmly "So now I have to kill you."

"I beg your pardon?" He said, stepping back and looking astonished.

"Well, it really is the only logical solution," she replied easily, voice sounding incredibly reasonable.

"Granger," he growled, stepping closer once again, "I have half a mind to kill _you_."

"Me?" She asked, looking shocked.

"Yes you. I haven't slept, I haven't been able to concentrate, I-"

"You suffer from anhedonia?"

"I- what?" He asked, blinking at her slowly. "Did the readers even know what that meant?"

"I doubt it." There were a few moments of silence. "Look Malfoy, I'll be over you in a week- we've established that. What was the point of calling me here tonight?"

"Actually, I completely forgot about that." Then he stepped forward and kissed her.

It was, by all means, one of the most beautiful kisses that the Potions classroom had ever seen. Not that it had seen very many of them, to be perfectly truthful, but it was one of those kisses that the portraits would talk about for years and the fanfiction authors would love to describe if they were actually any good at describing passionate kisses.

"Well, that was a pretty pointless surprise," Hermione said, once again sounding breathy.

He smirked at her. "You wish you could say that in total honesty."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Maybe I can."

He gave a small snort of disbelief. She stared at him. They grinned at each other, looking silly.

"I believe, my dear Hermione Granger, that we have come to an impasse."

"Mr. Malfoy, I believe you're right."

"And so I pose the question: Where do we go from here?"

"Well, _Draco_…_" _Hermione began, and then made a face. He looked down at her amusedly.

"Doesn't work, does it?" He asked sympathetically. She shook her head furtively.

"Oh look, another impasse."

"Maybe the dance was a good idea," he commented wryly.

"Hannah," Hermione said at breakfast the next morning. "I have a problem."

Hannah gave a small noise that sounded like a snort. "When have you ever _not_ had problems?"

"I beg your pardon?" Hermione asked, taken aback.

Hannah heaved a great sigh and sat up straight. "First it was the problem of how stupid the auction was, then it was whether or not you were going to bid, and then on who. Then there was Harry, being madly in like with Draco Malfoy, PEZ, and driving yourself absolutely mad. For the past week you have been acting like you're on drugs or something, and so you have never had a shortage of problems."

Hermione was, by this point, a deep crimson. And unfortunately for her, most of the Great Hall had fallen silent to listen to Hannah's speech. Draco Malfoy wasn't sure whether to smirk, look amused, or be as horrified as Hermione. Hannah looked around the Great Hall, grinned, and went back to eating her breakfast.

Hermione had half a mind to kill her too.

She got up, grabbed a scone and stomped out of the Great Hall.

"PEZ?" Came the first hushed whisper. This, in turn, led to many more hushed whispers which seemed to spread through the Great Hall like a virus.

"Hermione Granger on drugs?"

"The auction wasn't stupid!"

"What about Harry?"

"What the_ hell_ does madly in like mean?" Came the incredulous voice of Blaise Zabini, turning to his friend and looking, well, incredulous.

Draco Malfoy sighed. He was going to kill Hannah Abbot.

**A/N: I really love Hannah. She's loads of fun to write. Blaise is also fun to write….Maybe they can get together. Hmmmm….Opinions? Anyways, there will be more Harry in the next chapter, and maybe more Ron, if I can figure him in. Reviews are appreciate, if you had any favourite lines- well, you know how I am about them.**


	14. Flirting and Well, Flirting

**A/N: Going ahead with the whole Blaise/Hannah thing, just to be different.**

"Hannah," said a rather pleasant masculine voice. At any other point in her life, the voice would probably have excited her and made her incredibly hopeful. However, because of her display in the Great Hall, she was pretty sure the tall blonde who the voice belonged to had no intentions of taking her to a beach on some far off island and kissing her passionately while the sun slowly died down behind them.

At least, she was pretty sure Malfoy didn't feel that way about her. If he did, of course, they'd have many, many more problems….

"Abbot? You there?" Asked another voice, slightly less pleasant and much more annoying.

"What?" She asked irritably, spinning around and coming face-to-face with Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini.

"I'm going to kill you!" Growled Malfoy, attempting to lunge at her. Hannah was beginning to brace herself for the impact when she saw that Blaise was, quite coolly, holding Malfoy back.

"Thank you," she breathed in relief.

Blaise shrugged and gave her a little grin. "He gets like this when he doesn't take his medication."

"OK, scratch that," Malfoy started, "I'm going to kill both of you."

Hannah grinned at the black-haired boy appreciatively. Just then, Hermione stormed up. She looked at Malfoy. She blushed slightly. She looked at Blaise. She looked bemused. She turned to Hannah.

"I am going to kill you!" She growled, but she didn't make any attempt to hurt her friend like her counterpart had.

Blaise began laughing so hard he lost his hold on Malfoy, which resulted in a scuffle between Hannah and Malfoy that lasted about two seconds- the time it took for Hermione to grab Malfoy.

"Stop being such a childish prat," she began, rolling her eyes. "Now Hannah," she continued, "I'd like to know what you're doing flirting with Blaise when you were madly in like with Will a week ago."

"No, no my dear Hermione," Hannah replied with a smirk, "Madly in like was your thing." This sent Blaise into another round of laughter, which caused Malfoy to lunge at him. Hermione calmly grabbed the back of his robes.

"Really, you're being quite violent today," Hermione said to Malfoy.

"You said you wanted to kill her as well!" He protested loudly.

"Well yes," Hermione said with an eye roll, "But I'd be much sneakier."

"How very Slytherin of you," Blaise commented wryly.

"You know, I'd kind of appreciate it if we could get off the topic of killing me?" Hannah suggested tentatively.

"You didn't answer about William," Hermione stated matter-of-factly.

"Why should I?" Hannah asked defiantly, crossing her arms over chest.

"And when did we become five again?" Malfoy asked, sneering in her general direction.

"Give her a break, old chap," Blaise said, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Zabini," Malfoy began dangerously, "Get your hand off my shoulder."

"Touchy," Blaise responded mockingly.

"No, you are," came Malfoy's cutting reply. Hannah grinned again.

"Hannah, we've got to go; I need to have a chat with Harry. Unless, of course, you'd like to stay here and discuss your love life with Blaise and Malfoy," Hermione said.

"Are you ever going to call him Draco?" Hannah asked as the two set off down the hall.

"Not until hell freezes over, my dear lady," Blaise said good-naturedly, answering on Hermione's behalf. (Hermione, for her part, didn't know whether to be irritated at his butting in or amused by the way he and Hannah acted. In the end she went for a strange mixture of the two, but because she didn't have Harry's amazing emotion mixing abilities, she didn't really pull it off and ended up looking a little odd.)

"Oh, come on you idiot," Malfoy said with an eye roll before dragging Blaise off down the hallway.

"You know," Blaise began, "The way you two are acting around each other is very typical teenager."

"Right," Malfoy said with yet another eye roll, "And you and Abbott aren't ten times worse."

"If you roll your eyes too much, they'll get stuck that way," Blaise chided, reverting back to his grandmother voice.

Malfoy stifled another eye roll and continued on as if the dark-haired boy hadn't spoken. "I mean, a Hufflepuff?"

"Yes well… I can't figure if it's worse than a Gryffindor or not."

"We could always put it up to general poll on the house bulletin board."

Blaise grinned. "First, I will never get over the fact that we, all-mighty Slytherin house, have a bulletin board, and two, if we did, we'd be murdered alive."

"Well you can't really be murdered any other way, now can you?"

"Oh, stuff it," Blaise replied cheerfully.

"Hannah, a Slytherin?"

Hannah gave another one of her almost-snorts. "This coming from you, of all people?"

"I haven't been flirting shamelessly with a Slytherin," Hermione stated, looking incredibly pompous.

"No, of course not- it was one-sided flirting."

"Hannah, your problem is that you never know when to shut up."

"Hermione, your problem is- no, wait, we've been over this- you have too many to count," she said with an evil smirk.

"Well you went out with a jackass," Hermione replied, floundering for a come-back.

"And _what_ do we classify Malfoy as?"

"Well what's Blaise then? I mean, other than incredibly annoying?"

"Oh, stuff it," Hannah replied genially.

Hermione knocked curtly on the door to the boy's dorm. Ron answered it.

"Ron?" Hermione asked, surprised. "I thought I was going to be meeting with just Harry."

"Yes, well, the readers thought there was a serious lack of Ron-ness, so-"

"Ron-ness?"

"Oh, just come in," Ron replied grudgingly. Harry was sitting on the bed and looking a little confused, anxious, and terrified all at once. (Master of Mixed Emotions.)

"Harry, what's wrong?"

Harry breathed in deeply. "Hermione, I'm gay."

"I know."

"WHAT?" Ron howled.

"You see?" Hermione asked, shaking her head. "This is exactly why there was a lack of Ron-ness."

"And I'm in love with Draco Malfoy."

"WHAT?" Ron yelled.

"WHAT?" Hermione agreed.

"Just kidding."

"I was this close to killing him," Hermione told Hannah later.

"That's about how close you were to killing me as well."

"Point?"

Hannah shrugged. "Just an observation."

"Where are we sitting? Your table or mine?"

Hannah smirked. Hermione became increasingly worried. "Let's sit with the Slytherins."

"Why?"

"Well, you're madly in like with Malfoy and Blaise is nice-" Hermione snorted. "And we would completely freak them out. Again."

"Oh, right, while we're at it why don't we each have a nice snogging session as well? Really send the school into total chaos?" Hermione replied sarcastically, but they were already walking over to the Slytherin table.

"Well, I wouldn't say no," Hannah replied with a grin.

**A/N: I have reached a point where I don't know where I'm going with this story. Suggestions are welcome. In fact, I might just do an entire "Suggestions" chapter. That'd be fun. I'm also thinking of doing a "Musical" chapter, where people randomly break out into songs that may or may not have anything to do with the actual topic of the conversation.**


	15. MUSIC

**A/N: You will note that the chapter title says "Music." This is the shortened version of "The Chapter of Obscure Music References."**

"Hannah is inclined to have a nice, long snogging session with you, Zabini," Hermione said as she and Hannah placed themselves across from Malfoy and Blaise. As Hannah coloured Hermione put on a thoughtful look. "Well, she could have meant you, Malfoy, but…"

"But you wouldn't have let her touch him, now would you?" Blaise asked calmly, smirking ever so slightly, and making Hannah feel incredibly grateful.

If the Slytherin table had not already fallen silent as soon as the Hufflepuff and the Gryffindor has sat down at their table, the brief conversation that had followed would have done it. There was silence in the Great Hall. Then there were many, many whispers.

"I dunno, do you think they've noticed we're here?" Hannah asked wryly, looking down the table.

"Oh, they noticed all right," Blaise replied with a grin.

"Malfoy, what's wrong? You haven't made any attempts at being witty yet," Hermione asked as she grabbed a bread roll.

"This is wrong, Granger. Sick and wrong," he whispered harshly.

"It'sjusta bread roll," Hermione replied, eyebrows raised and a small smile forming on her lips. Blaise and Hannah burst out laughing.

"You know what I mean," Malfoy continued, voice just as harsh and just as quiet.

"Well I didn't think her hair was _that_ bad today, D," Blaise said, grinning at Hermione. Hermione, once again, had no idea how to react to him. Hannah, on the other hand, knew exactly how to react: she shot him a grin to match his own. "Look on the bright side," he continued in his usual mocking and bemused voice, "We can party like it's 1999."

Hannah shot him a look. "I'm not even going to ask how you know that."

"Know what?" Blaise responded innocently before turning back to his dinner.

"You're not helping," Malfoy told his friend indignantly.

"And I wasn't trying to," Blaise replied with a smirk.

"Mr. Malfoy," began a cold voice from behind Malfoy and Blaise. Hermione looked up to see Snape and couldn't decide whether to be frightened or amused. Malfoy just went with frightened.

"Yes Professor?" He said, turning slowly and trying not to gulp as if he were afraid. (Malfoys, as you know, are not easily frightened.)

"This is unacceptable, Mr. Malfoy. There are reasons for the tables to be divided, and I simply will not stand for both a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff at my house's table." He finished looking icy, and then added "And it's sick and wrong, Mr. Malfoy. Sick and wrong."

Hermione couldn't help it. She burst out laughing. Blaise had already been sniggering quietly behind his napkin and Hannah was a rather odd shade of purple from trying not to laugh. Malfoy wasn't sure what to do. He was perplexed. Snape was….Actually, it was hard to tell. He obviously hadn't meant to be funny.

"Is there ever a second thought, that slips on through their mind, that this is sick and wrong, that this is so unkind?" Hermione asked, and Hannah grinned at her. Blaise grinned as well, recognizing that she was quoting something and guessing that it was probably an obscure music reference.

"Surprisingly appropriate lyrics, Granger," Blaise commented.

"Why thank you," she replied in a pleasant voice. Snape watched the scene before him. A terrified Draco Malfoy, a muggle music quoting Hermione Granger, a bemused Hannah Abbott and the same old Blaise Zabini.

"I don't know what to think and you can tell if we're dreaming," Snape replied in clipped tones, and Hermione looked frightened as he walked off.

"That was…." Hannah began.

"A Hanson reference, right?" Blaise finished for her.

Hermione nodded grimly. "I don't even want to know!"

"Hanson?" Malfoy questioned, deciding he would stop observing and go back to being his usual witty self.

"Only the world's biggest boy band of all time!" Hermione cried, calling more people to stare at her than before.

"Granger, breathe," Blaise said slowly, while Hannah patted her friend's back sympathetically.

Malfoy stared at them all. "I think I'm missing something here…."

**Later Blaise and Malfoy were having one of those Blaise-and-Malfoy conversations. **

"Malfoy, I think you should consider these lyrics: For a moment the world turns its back, and you let me come closer, though the hearts were filled with fear, for this dark secret love."

Malfoy stared at his friend. He looked nervously behind him. "And here I was thinking you liked Abbott," he replied, trying to be sarcastic but still sounding rather terrified.

Blaise stared at his friend. Blaise rolled his eyes. "I meant about you and Granger, dolt. Honestly, me, love you? You're a prat, you're arrogant, pompous-"

"And you sound like Granger," Malfoy broke in. He looked thoughtful for a few moments. "You know, maybe you do love me. It would make sense…"

Blaise gave a small snort of disbelief. Putting on his gay voice he asked "Do I honestly seem that transparent?" Malfoy gave a rare laugh. "Anyways dear," Blaise continued, opting for a school-counselor voice, "If you need to have an illicit relationship with this young lady, please use protection. We wouldn't want any-" He looked conspiratorially around the common room before continuing "Unwanted problems." This earned him another laugh.

Shaking his head, Blaise turned to the bulletin board, grinning just at the thought of it. One piece of paper caught his eye. "Hey D-unit, check it out," he said pointing and sounding sort of surfer/prep and sort of gangster. Malfoy walked over to the bulletin board. A large, pink, and scented piece of paper read

'Draco Malfoy is in love with Hermione Granger. Or, should we say, madly in like?'

Malfoy stared blankly at the piece of paper. Then he turned to Blaise.

"What am I going to do?" He screeched, sounding very un-Malfoy-like.

Blaise rolled his eyes and grabbed a piece of parchment and nearby ink well from one of the tables. On it he wrote

'Pansy Parkinson has no life, and therefore needs to point out the obvious about her fellow classmates.' He then added an arrow pointing to Pansy's paper and pinned it on the bulletin board.

"Happy?" He asked Malfoy.

"I'm not obvious," Malfoy replied.

Blaise gave another snort. "Right. You're just accidentally on purpose in love."

Malfoy couldn't decide to agree or glare.

**Hannah and Hermione were having one of those Hannah-and-Hermione conversations. **

"Eventually you'll just make out with him for a good long while and that'll do it," Hannah commented distractedly.

"Stop dreaming about Blaise!"

"OK, fine, we'll focus on you. He's your dirty little secret you know," Hannah said, turning her full attention to her friend.

"I know," Hermione said remorsefully.

"And this is a bad thing?" Hannah asked.

"….Just another regret…." Hermione said softly, and Hannah finally understood.

"I see," she said. "Afraid of rejection? Hoping he was thinking of you?"

"No. Not really. Sort of. Maybe. Kinda. Yes. But could we please stop with the obscure music references?"

"I don't know. I think they add something," Hannah said, smirking at her friend's distaste.

"Shut up," Hermione replied genially.

**That Night, at Dinner: Slytherin Table **

"You're back," Malfoy hissed.

"Captain Obvious called," Blaise began with an eye roll. "He wants his cape back."

Malfoy took a moment out of glaring at Hermione to glare at Blaise.

"Blaise," Hannah began, "Wanna go snog in a closet?"

"I thought you'd never ask," he replied jovially before following her out of the hall.

Hermione looked after them thoughtfully. "You know, if I wasn't sure of how infatuated they were with each other, I'd think that was an attempt at getting us alone."

"Captain Obvious called…" Malfoy began, and Hermione glowered at him.

"Malfoy, what are we doing?"

"Eating," he replied. "Or did that question have some heading meaning?" More glowering. He sighed. "Granger, I don't know. You're you and that's great but I-"

"Can't. Because I'm a Gryffindor, we're too different, whatever."

"Essentially."

"Is this the speech you planned for this? The inevitable 'What are we, exactly?' question, and all you have to say is 'I don't know'?" Her eyes, much to her anger and his guilt, began to well up with tears. "Funny, in the chick flicks the answers were always so much more romantic." And with that, she left the great hall.

**Draco Malfoy **sat in his bed and stared at the ceiling. It was an odd sense of de ja vu, and he had a quick image of paints before attempting to sleep once more. Slipping his hand under his pillow, he found a package of PEZ. He stared at the small foil package before popping a few into his mouth and going back to staring at the ceiling.

Shot down -it's just such a shame; I'm losing at this game. No fair! Why don't you seem to care? Lack of consequence has got me making decisions based upon truth or dare decision making," he mumbled to himself, falling asleep with visions of books and PEZ and obscure music references dancing through his head.

**A/N: Wow, huge disclaimer to do before I beg you for reviews (including fav lines.) OK, so all songs and artists referred to in this chapter, hopefully in order:**

"**1999" Prince**

"**Suggestion Box" MXPX**

"**I Don't Know" Hanson**

"**Accidentally in Love" –many different artists**

"**Dirty Little Secret" All-American Rejects**

"**2 U" Mary J. Blige**

"**Oh, Goddamnit" Hot Hot Heat**

**Please note that I am not fans of all of these artists- the lyrics just worked. (For instance, I do not worship Hanson, never have, and probably never will.)**


	16. The End ?

There was a soft knock on Malfoy's door. "Go away, Blaise."

"But Draco," Blaise replied as he walked into the room, switching to a very ditzy girl type of voice. "You've got, like, LOSER tattooed on your forehead."

"Funny, I don't remember being drunk in the past forty-eight hours," Malfoy responded wryly, still lying immobile on his bed.

"What are you doing?" Blaise asked with a sigh, sounding as if he was thoroughly disappointed with his friend's behaviour.

"Wallowing in self pity," was Malfoy's curt reply.

"Oh good," replied Blaise, lying down beside him, "Something new."

"Zabini…." Malfoy said, a warning tone in his voice mixed with tiredness.

"Malfoy."

"Honestly, you've both got, like, LOSER tattooed on your forehead," Hermione said from the doorway.

"Draco?" Blaise asked.

"Yes Blaise?"

"I'm hallucinating. I seem to be seeing Hermione Granger in your doorway. In the Slytherin dorms. In the Slytherin boys' dorms."

"Me too."

"And if people don't generally have the exact same hallucinations…" Hannah prompted from the doorway.

"Merlin, now there's a Hufflepuff too!" Blaise said, sounding distraught. Neither of the other three could tell if he was genuinely frightened or just being his usual self.

"There's a message for you on the bulletin board, Malfoy," Hermione said as both girls stepped in to the room.

"I still think it's really funny you even have a bulletin board," Hannah commented as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah," Blaise said, sitting up and grinning appreciatively, "So do I."

"What was the message?" Malfoy asked Hermione as she walked up to him.

Hermione held up a piece of paper. "'Draco Malfoy is a loser.'" She gave him a look. "And I quote without paraphrasing."

Blaise snorted. "Wow," he began, "Pansy's actually getting stupider."

"You do know how stupid the word 'stupider' sounds, right?" Hannah asked Blaise, eyebrows raised.

He stuck his tongue out at her.

"Malfoy," Hermione began solemnly, "If you're going to be such a loser I'm going to have to dump you."

"It's funny," he replied, still staring straight at the ceiling, "I thought you'd already done that."

"No," Hermione replied, only a small amount of emotion entering her voice. "I walked away because you made me cry."

"You made her cry?" Blaise broke in. "That's almost as bad as sleeping with her best friend!"

Draco Malfoy looked at Blaise. Draco Malfoy looked at Hannah Abbott. Hannah Abbott looked at Blaise. Hannah Abbott looked at Malfoy. Hermione Granger shook her head in Blaise's general direction, and then turned to Malfoy and Hannah.

"Well, you heard what he said," she proclaimed with a tone of finality. "It's a bad thing to sleep with my best friend."

Hannah and Malfoy stopped giving each other appraising looks.

"Too blonde," Hannah scoffed.

"Too Hufflepuff-y," Malfoy returned.

"You know Hermione," Blaise said, turning to the girl he was addressing. "I bet that's what you love about him- his unfailing ability to make up random words as he goes along."

"Oh, how'd you know Blaise?" Hermione replied, and then turned back to the boy in question. "Do you have a reply to this truly inspiring note?"

"How about 'Pansy is a two-faced bitch who isn't incredibly intelligent'?" Malfoy responded.

"Hmm," Blaise began. "A little wordy…."

"Yeah, and it also sounds like you want to have a bitch fight with her in the common room," Hannah said, sounding bemused.

"And the word 'bitch' as an insult is just a _little _overused," Hermione added.

"Well, you personally could just post a note saying 'Hermione Granger was here' and send the entire house into a real uproar," Blaise commented.

"Could I use the pretty pink scented paper?" Hermione asked wryly. "No, Malfoy, you need to counteract this somehow." She sat down beside him on the bed and pinched his cheek. "Where's that wit I know and love?"

Malfoy was slightly outraged. "You _dumped _me!"

She sighed deeply. "We weren't ever together."

Hannah gave a small snort of disbelief that sent Blaise into fits of laughter. Hermione glared at them both.

"Granger," Malfoy began, turning to face her and looking quite solemn. "We were _something_."

Hannah rolled her eyes.

"Well spotted," Blaise commented.

"But then again," Hannah added, sounding deeply philosophical, "We can never truly be nothing."

"Quite true," Blaise agreed in the same tone of voice, "We are always _something." _

"Shut up," growled Malfoy.

"Will you two please go snog somewhere?" Hermione burst out, clearly not impressed with their mockery.

"Fine then," Hannah said, arms crossed. "Force me to go snog an tall, dark, and incredibly hot Slytherin."

"You think I'm incredibly hot?" Blaise asked.

"Not really- I just needed another adjective…" And with that, the two of them left the room.

"We need to talk," Hermione began.

"That's what we've been doing since you showed up at my door." He paused, looking thoughtful. "By the way, how did you get in here?"

Hermione tapped her nose with her index finger. "For me to know and you to never know."

"Wow, you make it sound sort of creepy." He peered at her suspiciously. "What have you been up to?"

"Checking out the Slytherin bulletin board, chatting with Hannah, trying to get you to have a real conversation with me about us…"

"Oh, there's that dreaded word again!"

"What? 'Us'?"

"No. 'Conversation.'"

Hermione glowered down at him. "You know you're not funny."

"You know you're still not getting anywhere with this conversation."

"Malfoy, what are we doing? I mean, the witty banter is all well and good but what _is_ this?"

"This is my bedroom, my bed, you sitting on my bed…." He paused, looking startled. "I just realized something."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "And what is that?"

"That I have a girl who I maybe sort of kind of almost probably positively am madly in like with on my bed. Alone on my bed."

Hermione looked baffled. "Maybe sort of kind of almost-" But that was as far as she got, because Malfoy decided snogging the girl he was maybe sort of kind of almost probably positively madly in like with was a much more pressing matter than actually speaking to her.

"Malfoy," Hermione said once they'd eventually pulled away.

"Don't tell me you want to do more of that talking thing."

"Damn it, Malfoy, you can't just snog me whenever you want and hope I'll shut up."

He blinked. "I can't?"

"No." Her face softened slightly. "From here on in, you're only allowed to kiss me if you'll actually be my boyfriend." She paused. "Merlin it sounds odd to say that."

"You do realize we will never be a fully functional couple, right?"

"Of course- you're far too pompous."

"Me? You can be such a stuck-up bitch sometimes, I-"

"And your hair is so damn annoying when it falls in your eyes!"

"Your nose is annoying when it wrinkles up in that cute way when you laugh!"

"You think my nose wrinkling is cute?"

"Maybe."

"Awww!" Hannah said from the doorway, and Blaise just rolled his eyes.

"You are _such _a girl."

"Well I'd be a little worried if you were snogging her in closets and she wasn't," Malfoy commented dryly.

"That's the Malfoy I know and am madly in like with," Hermione said approvingly, bending down to give him a kiss.

"Wow," Blaise said as he and Hanna re-entered the room. "If you're going to keep up like this I am not spending any more time with you."

"What makes you think I want you to spend time with me?" Malfoy shot back.

"That hurts. It really does." Blaise put a hand to his heart. "Right here. Rip out my heart, why don't you?"

Hannah rolled her eyes. Hermione rolled her eyes. Malfoy gave Blaise the finger. Blaise reverted to his grandmother voice and proceeded to talk about where the youth of today was really headed. Hermione shared her new batch of PEZ with the other three and the listened to odd muggle music for the greater part of the day. All was well.

In the end, the response to Pansy's letter read:

Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think- Sorry, wrong letter response.

Blaise Zabini hereby declared his undying love for Pansy Parkinson, who he wants to someday marry and make wild passionate love to and have lots of Blaise Juniors and Pansy Juniors running around in a front yard surrounded by a white picket fence. Draco Malfoy hereby declares being madly in like with Hermione Granger and has this to say: Got a problem with that? (Note: If you do, please inquire about bitch fights in the common room.) Hannah Abbott was here! Hermione Granger thinks Blaise is slightly psychotic, Malfoy is actually her boyfriend (it just sounds odd to say but eventually you will all get used to it,) and that Hannah should have thought her response through.

Pansy had no idea how to respond.

**A/N: Um, well, this will be the end unless you want an epilogue, at which point I will formulate something appropriately genius for your general enjoyment. I will be starting a new fic soon, a Harry-Hermione-Draco love triangle. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?**


	17. Epilogue

**A/N: Here it is, an epilogue. Mostly because even when I write endings (as I attempted to in my last chapter) I leave all these loose ends hanging around. Like Luna, and Harry, and Will, and Ron….So this chapter is more for them. Just so you know.**

It wasn't as if the four of them- that is, Blaise, Hannah, Draco, and Hermione- announced to the school that they were, respectively, officially couples, but the word got around fast and there were numerous copies of the note they'd left on the Slytherin bulletin board that circulated around the school.

"Now don't you wish you'd thought your response through?" Hermione asked Hannah in a reprimanding way as they walked through the halls.

Hannah rolled her eyes. "You don't have to act like my mother, you know. I can get by."

Hermione gave her a look, but found herself smiling all the same. "I don't suppose the Slytherins mentioned that this note was left on their bulletin board?"

"No, I think that if they'd done that the entire Slytherin reputation would just go down the drain."

"What, you mean more so than it has from a Slytherin dating a Gryffindor and another Slytherin dating a Hufflepuff?"

"Which one do you think they think is worse?"

Hermione raised her eyebrows at Hannah. "Can I have a map to that sentence?"

Just then Ron came barreling down the hall and skidded to a halt in front of the two girls. "WHAT?" He screamed, sounding oddly high-pitched for the tough young man that he was.

Hannah looked at her friend. "Where did he come from?"

"Something about reviewers and a serious lack of Ron-ness…." Hermione muttered as she stared at her red-headed friend.

"YOU!" Ron said, pointing to Hermione. "YOU!" Ron screeched once again, this time pointing at Hannah. "ACK!" And with that, he ran off again.

"Hmmm," Blaise began from behind them. "The Ron-ness is strong in that one."

Malfoy rolled his eyes while Hannah burst into laughter. Hermione was still staring down the hall that Ron had run off into.

"Hermione!" Harry called as he ran up to her. "I have something to tell you. And Hannah. Without them."

Hermione looked back at the two boys and made a flippant 'shoo' sort of gesture with her hand. Both boys backed away obligingly.

"Yes?" Hermione said, turning to Harry.

"I'm gay," Harry stated.

"Really?" Hannah asked, only look half disbelieving.

"Yes?" Hermione asked, clearly not shaken by that information at all.

"YOU'RE WHAT?" Ron asked, suddenly appearing once again.

"Ron, we've been over this- he's gay. Now please-" Hermione said, and repeated her flippant hand gesture. Ron skidded away once again.

"This is what I needed Hannah for- I'm dating Will," Harry said. He waited anxiously for their reactions. Hannah looked like she was trying not to laugh, but as soon as both Malfoy and Blaise did behind, she burst out laughing.

Hermione looked at her friend. "That's wonderful Harry. I'm sure you'll be very happy together."

Harry grinned at her and walked off in the other direction.

"I can't believe I didn't see that coming!" Malfoy said through his laughter. Both Hannah and Blaise were laughing too hard to respond at all, and Hermione sent them all very reprimanding looks.

Luna Lovegood sat in a small alcove, watching the events unfold. It was rather curious to her that a Slytherins, any Slytherins, would dare to branch away from their own house. Not that she hadn't seen the chemistry between Hermione and Draco and Blaise and Hannah long before others had, just that she hadn't been sure that they would 'take the plunge,' as it were.

As for Harry Potter- well, she wasn't surprised that he was gay. She wasn't surprised that he hadn't felt romantic feelings towards a certain Seamus, but she was mildly (only mildly,) that Will had turned out to be gay.

"Hello Luna," Hermione said, waving a hand in front of the other girl's face and breaking her out of her reverie.

"WHAT?" Ron said, skidding in front of them once again. "SHE'S LUNA LOVEGOOD?"

"OK, now you're just being ridiculous," Hermione said, trying to regain some form of normality. But her three friends were already in complete hysterics and Luna had gone back to thinking deep thoughts.

Hermione gave up.

I'd like to say that Malfoy dating Hermione and Blaise dating Hannah caused a revolution at Hogwarts, in which dating between Slytherins and other houses wasn't so unheard of, but it's not true. The Slytherins continued to be evil and kept to themselves in terms of dating. Fortunately, Blaise and Malfoy were not shunned by their house-mates, nor were Hannah and Hermione.

Well, actually, that had never really been a worry- Blaise and Malfoy didn't care and Hannah and Hermione were regarded as heroines for being able to snag two of the hottest guys on the list of Hogwart's Hottest Guys.

So, in the end, the four of them walked off into the sunset. Well, no, that's not true, they walked off into the Great Hall to cause an uproar and sit with each other, but you get the idea.

**A/N:Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, and Happy Holidays for those who celebrate something else. Hope you enjoyed this chapter- don't forget to drop me a review,all wrapped up pretty, and I'll give you some of my Christmas baking.**


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